As I’ve been doing for the past four years, I named my new year. Leave it to me to switch blogs so much and fill up so many journals that I can’t find what my previous years were called, but I can tell you last year (2017) was named “Content”.
My main focus with naming my year “Content” was to learn how to be content with the state of my house, content with the material things I already owned, and content with the phase of my life that I was at - essentially content to not have a clue where I was going.
I was big-time struggling with wanting to renovate my whole house, and buy all of the new, pretty things I could. Which is understandable, since this is the first house we’ve owned, and the first house I’m allowed to tear apart and paint. But I recognized a growing urgency in myself to change things for outward approval, and not as much because I wanted to do it for us and us alone. I can honestly say that last year, even compared to the years before I owned my own house, was the year I spent the least amount of money on material household items. It felt good to get that little sector of my life under control and learn how to just “be” inside my house. I haven’t met many people in Dawson Creek that can relate to the “renovation bug”, but if you’ve ever caught it before then I know you get me.
And content with this phase of my life? Hella big fail. I spent all summer constantly chasing what I thought was where I wanted to be headed, and ended up missing out on crazy amounts of friend and family time, relaxation, and enjoying life. I only just began to realize this a few weeks before Christmas, and I went into a big shut-down mode because of it.
I had to admit three important things to myself:
1. I wasn’t feeling fulfilled anymore at the current part-time job that I had (don't worry, my boss is amazing and the job was amazing - I'll be writing a different angle on this in a later post)
2. I wasn’t happy with my current focus in my business
3. The really tough one - I wasn’t actually enjoying having an office downtown again
Yeah, tough stuff to admit to myself and even harder to say aloud. Especially after putting so much time and effort into all three of those areas. Are you thinking I'm a crazy person yet? Considering I just wrote a blog post a few months ago about my new office. Yeah, I have no words for that right now, but I'm sure they'll come later too.
I spent some time looking at these three things once I had them figured out, and the word that arose for my 2018 year was "Abundance". Over the past couple of years I've been reading a stack of books that always describe living a life of scarcity as a big source of stress, and if we can learn to live in abundance we will be so much happier.
I honestly thought I had that figured out.
Here's what I am good at: not freaking out when I only have $5.00 left in my bank account, and my student loan payment is due tomorrow.
Here's what I'm not good at: living a life that recognizes that I have everything I need and more, and that a large majority of my "needs" are actually "wants, living a life that focuses on people and not work, and living a life that brings peace to those around me.
I want to recognize that I have an abundance of funds for living my life.
I have an abundance of safety and security - two things many people lack.
I have an abundance of family and friends worthy of my time.
I have an abundance of time for doing things that relax me, and choosing work projects that excite me.
And a big one for my business this year - I want to recognize that I have an abundance of skills and gifts to offer, but that I don't have to offer those for free or with hand-outs.
This year I am choosing to live with the belief that I have everything I need, and that everything I need is coming to me without stress or worry.
Keep an eye on the blog because I have a whole lot of shit to get out on paper these next few months.